I walked in the door this evening from a weekend away with friends. I set down my bags and in silence began to get laundry started, bags unpacked, and I began to mentally run through all of the things I need to get done tomorrow when I return to the routine of life. Then in the silence of my productivity I feel that twinge of sadness that always seems to follow the end of a trip or the closing of some experience or chapter in my life. I always feel a temporary emptiness when all is said and done. As I wash the day off my face in the bathroom sink my processing begins.
I realize experiences like this...whether with friends or family...are unique moments in time....they contain people and experiences you can't recreate. You can try, but it will never be quite the same. So when it comes to an end there is always a twinge of sadness that it's over.
I recently spent a week with some family at our cottage on Lake Superior. And while I see that family often throughout the year, we have never spent an extended amount of time together like we did. I realized that while I was sad when it came to an end I had a new appreciation for them. I learned new things about them and had conversations with them that I had not had before. Our lives became more enmeshed because of the way we spent time together. Sometimes it's just about the people you are with, but other times there is a perfect combination of people and place that lends itself to create a time you just want to truly enjoy and it it always seems to result in a heavier overlapping of lives.
Those times always make me thankful. And as I reflect upon this trip that just came to a close I have a thankful heart. I'm thankful for... community, for doing something out of the ordinary, good music, friends that genuinely love Jesus and make me better for it, hospitality, good food, silence, a reason to not answer the cell phone, a day at the beach, honesty, learning new things about friends, slowing down, not having a plan, experiencing new places, good conversation, not feeling the need to have conversation at all, laughter, questions, answers, being back home, and something to look back and smile upon.
I'm thankful Jesus allows us to experience more of him in the people and the places we go. I'm thankful that He delights in us and gives us times like these that let us delve into the depths of Christ with those we surround ourselves with in life.
But mostly I'm thankful that all of these things are more enjoyable because of Him.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
The Hammock Confessions
I made an implusive purchase at Target a few months back and slapped down $100 for a hammock. I've secretly wanted one for a long time and in my mind I convinced myself that purchasing this hammock would be relaxing, spiritual, restful...pretty much any positive adjective I could find to justify this purchase, I told myself.
Now my relationship with this hammock started out a little rough. I literally wrestled with this thing to put it together. I could not get one end to stretch to the other end because the rope was so tight, but after much battle I won the war. Yet after all that work I'm not going to lie...the hammock sat for a long time without me in it. But in the past couple of weeks I have rediscovered my hammock....the one I needed so badly.....and I love it. It has become my thinking spot...and also makes a good napping spot.
As I lay in my hammock this evening I realized it's one of the few places that can actually keep me still. For me there is something about laying suspended in the air where my only view is up that just slows me down. My mind slows down, my breathing slows down, and for that period of time I don't feel the need to make sense of the world. I am able to take in the beauty of the sky, the rustle of the leaves, the chirping of the birds, and just take in the beauty of the Lord and lay in his presence. He has captured my attention there several times over the past week and he has also given me sweet rest in that very same place. I don't really know what I'm going to do in the winter when it's cold...maybe my thinking spot will have to change or maybe I'll just grab a blanket, but for now it's my sweet spot. The Lord used my impulsive purchase to meet with me, to give me rest, and to remind me of who he is. I would say that's well worth the $100 bucks, wouldn't you?
Now my relationship with this hammock started out a little rough. I literally wrestled with this thing to put it together. I could not get one end to stretch to the other end because the rope was so tight, but after much battle I won the war. Yet after all that work I'm not going to lie...the hammock sat for a long time without me in it. But in the past couple of weeks I have rediscovered my hammock....the one I needed so badly.....and I love it. It has become my thinking spot...and also makes a good napping spot.
As I lay in my hammock this evening I realized it's one of the few places that can actually keep me still. For me there is something about laying suspended in the air where my only view is up that just slows me down. My mind slows down, my breathing slows down, and for that period of time I don't feel the need to make sense of the world. I am able to take in the beauty of the sky, the rustle of the leaves, the chirping of the birds, and just take in the beauty of the Lord and lay in his presence. He has captured my attention there several times over the past week and he has also given me sweet rest in that very same place. I don't really know what I'm going to do in the winter when it's cold...maybe my thinking spot will have to change or maybe I'll just grab a blanket, but for now it's my sweet spot. The Lord used my impulsive purchase to meet with me, to give me rest, and to remind me of who he is. I would say that's well worth the $100 bucks, wouldn't you?
Beauty in the Breakdown
I walked into church Sunday night feeling the weight of the world colliding with my heart and as the worship started so did the tears. I wept, but not for myself. I just felt so broken for other people. There are certain situations going on around me and as I sat there on Sunday night all I could do is cry for the people in them. We often are so self consumed that we rarely find ourselves truly broken for the sin of others, but as I sat there weeping over sin that was not even my own I realized that the brokeness I felt for those people seemed to hurt my heart more than my own brokeness. It hurt my heart, but it made me long for Jesus even more.
But what I also thought about is that there is beauty in the breakdown. God breaks things only to make them stronger. God does not want our leftovers and he doesn't want what is convenient for us to give. He wants all of us. Many times in my ridiculous thoughts I think God got a pretty good deal when he saved me. I have talents and giftings that he can use in his work and time and time again I try to walk out in them on my own....those are the self dwelling thoughts of my flesh. It reminds me of the story of Peter in Matthew 14 when he sees Jesus walking on water and wants to do the same. Peter's desire to be like Christ is commendable, but then his flesh takes over and he sinks. How often to do we start off with with good intentions to look more like Christ and end up sinking because our flesh takes over convincing us that we've got this and faith then takes a back seat. Jesus seemed to use brokeness a lot in Peter's life to bring Him in line with what God wanted for him. I feel like I identify with Peter a lot at times.
I like the idea of brokeness. The reality is we are so flawed with our sin and flesh and we usually don't even see it. But brokeness brings us to realize that we can not tame our own flesh....we are flesh dependent creatures. And in our brokeness...just like Peter cried out to the Lord when he was sinking....we cry out to the Lord who is the only one that can heal our flesh dependency.
So I pray that the Lord continues to break my heart for the sin in my life and in the lives of others....because as I sit back and realize how deeply flawed we are as people...I realize I can't afford not to pray that prayer. In Acts 2 you see the end result of God's refining power in Peter as he preaches with boldness and 3000 are saved. You see the glory of transformation as Peter operates in the spirit. But Peter had to be broken many times to come to this final product because our flesh cannot stand in such glory. This encourages my heart and I long for brokeness to bring the same result in my life and the lives of others.
I pray that a broken and remorseful heart is what you will receive from me Lord....
But what I also thought about is that there is beauty in the breakdown. God breaks things only to make them stronger. God does not want our leftovers and he doesn't want what is convenient for us to give. He wants all of us. Many times in my ridiculous thoughts I think God got a pretty good deal when he saved me. I have talents and giftings that he can use in his work and time and time again I try to walk out in them on my own....those are the self dwelling thoughts of my flesh. It reminds me of the story of Peter in Matthew 14 when he sees Jesus walking on water and wants to do the same. Peter's desire to be like Christ is commendable, but then his flesh takes over and he sinks. How often to do we start off with with good intentions to look more like Christ and end up sinking because our flesh takes over convincing us that we've got this and faith then takes a back seat. Jesus seemed to use brokeness a lot in Peter's life to bring Him in line with what God wanted for him. I feel like I identify with Peter a lot at times.
I like the idea of brokeness. The reality is we are so flawed with our sin and flesh and we usually don't even see it. But brokeness brings us to realize that we can not tame our own flesh....we are flesh dependent creatures. And in our brokeness...just like Peter cried out to the Lord when he was sinking....we cry out to the Lord who is the only one that can heal our flesh dependency.
So I pray that the Lord continues to break my heart for the sin in my life and in the lives of others....because as I sit back and realize how deeply flawed we are as people...I realize I can't afford not to pray that prayer. In Acts 2 you see the end result of God's refining power in Peter as he preaches with boldness and 3000 are saved. You see the glory of transformation as Peter operates in the spirit. But Peter had to be broken many times to come to this final product because our flesh cannot stand in such glory. This encourages my heart and I long for brokeness to bring the same result in my life and the lives of others.
I pray that a broken and remorseful heart is what you will receive from me Lord....
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Redeeming Love...
Do you regret your mistakes? How have those mistakes shaped you? And if you hadn't made those mistakes would you be who you are today.....and if you wouldn't be the same person today without those mistakes could you really count them as regrets? Or do you consider some of them as moments that have taken part in defining who we are? These are the questions I have asked myself lately. In each person's life, there are moments, both positive and negative, which have defined and redefined who we are. Consider the definining moments in your life. These moments affect the very core of who you are and what you believe.
If we walk forward in fear of making different mistakes, or maybe even the same ones again and continue to look back in regret over the ones we've already made...are we truly living? Theodore Roosevelt once said "the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."
As i trace the path of my life many of my definng moments have been rooted in my my mistakes. So maybe I would even then say I'm thankful for them. He has redeemed so many of my mistakes and used them for my good. And I think all I can do is look forward to what is ahead and be thankful that God's grace is sufficient for what is now behind me. Thank you Jesus....
If we walk forward in fear of making different mistakes, or maybe even the same ones again and continue to look back in regret over the ones we've already made...are we truly living? Theodore Roosevelt once said "the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."
As i trace the path of my life many of my definng moments have been rooted in my my mistakes. So maybe I would even then say I'm thankful for them. He has redeemed so many of my mistakes and used them for my good. And I think all I can do is look forward to what is ahead and be thankful that God's grace is sufficient for what is now behind me. Thank you Jesus....
Monday, July 2, 2007
Free
Music stirs something up in my soul. I have no musical talent at all...don't understand how to put notes together or anything like that, but something about music moves me. I always think to myself if I made a soundtrack of my life...what songs would be on it? There are just some songs that when I hear them they immediately take me back to a certain place in my life.....they just identify where I was at during that time. This song would definitely be on my life soundtrack. I have been singing this song for the past few days and it just resonates in my heart....being able to look forward and know that Jesus has already taken a victory for us and one day we will walk in complete freedom just makes my heart give a longing sigh....kind of like when you wake up from a good dream...except this one will come true! This has been my prayer and my hope this week....thought I would share. It's called Free by Jill Paquette....
Take my life, make it clay
Shape this life in intricate ways
I want to be a child of faith
But what my heart wants most my body turns away
I push Your ways aside and wonder why I let pride decide every time
But I can't wait to be free
From this life of mindless sin that compromises me
I know one day I will be
There is a victory that You've won for me
And when You come back again
I'll be free
Turn my eyes to Your face
Let me draw from Your strength
And bathe in Your grace
Let me soar with wings to win this race
Let me have Your peace it's not a hopeless chase
'Cause I lose sight of all You have called me to be
And it takes so much to drop me to my knees
But I can't wait to be free
From this life of mindless sin that compromises me
I know one day I will be
There is a victory that You've won for me
And when You come back again
I'll be free
I know one day I will be
There is a victory that You've won for me
And when You come back again
I'll be free
Take my life, make it clay
Shape this life in intricate ways
I want to be a child of faith
But what my heart wants most my body turns away...
But I know one day I'll be free.
Take my life, make it clay
Shape this life in intricate ways
I want to be a child of faith
But what my heart wants most my body turns away
I push Your ways aside and wonder why I let pride decide every time
But I can't wait to be free
From this life of mindless sin that compromises me
I know one day I will be
There is a victory that You've won for me
And when You come back again
I'll be free
Turn my eyes to Your face
Let me draw from Your strength
And bathe in Your grace
Let me soar with wings to win this race
Let me have Your peace it's not a hopeless chase
'Cause I lose sight of all You have called me to be
And it takes so much to drop me to my knees
But I can't wait to be free
From this life of mindless sin that compromises me
I know one day I will be
There is a victory that You've won for me
And when You come back again
I'll be free
I know one day I will be
There is a victory that You've won for me
And when You come back again
I'll be free
Take my life, make it clay
Shape this life in intricate ways
I want to be a child of faith
But what my heart wants most my body turns away...
But I know one day I'll be free.
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