Beauty in the Breakdown

I walked into church Sunday night feeling the weight of the world colliding with my heart and as the worship started so did the tears. I wept, but not for myself. I just felt so broken for other people. There are certain situations going on around me and as I sat there on Sunday night all I could do is cry for the people in them. We often are so self consumed that we rarely find ourselves truly broken for the sin of others, but as I sat there weeping over sin that was not even my own I realized that the brokeness I felt for those people seemed to hurt my heart more than my own brokeness. It hurt my heart, but it made me long for Jesus even more.
But what I also thought about is that there is beauty in the breakdown. God breaks things only to make them stronger. God does not want our leftovers and he doesn't want what is convenient for us to give. He wants all of us. Many times in my ridiculous thoughts I think God got a pretty good deal when he saved me. I have talents and giftings that he can use in his work and time and time again I try to walk out in them on my own....those are the self dwelling thoughts of my flesh. It reminds me of the story of Peter in Matthew 14 when he sees Jesus walking on water and wants to do the same. Peter's desire to be like Christ is commendable, but then his flesh takes over and he sinks. How often to do we start off with with good intentions to look more like Christ and end up sinking because our flesh takes over convincing us that we've got this and faith then takes a back seat. Jesus seemed to use brokeness a lot in Peter's life to bring Him in line with what God wanted for him. I feel like I identify with Peter a lot at times.
I like the idea of brokeness. The reality is we are so flawed with our sin and flesh and we usually don't even see it. But brokeness brings us to realize that we can not tame our own flesh....we are flesh dependent creatures. And in our brokeness...just like Peter cried out to the Lord when he was sinking....we cry out to the Lord who is the only one that can heal our flesh dependency.
So I pray that the Lord continues to break my heart for the sin in my life and in the lives of others....because as I sit back and realize how deeply flawed we are as people...I realize I can't afford not to pray that prayer. In Acts 2 you see the end result of God's refining power in Peter as he preaches with boldness and 3000 are saved. You see the glory of transformation as Peter operates in the spirit. But Peter had to be broken many times to come to this final product because our flesh cannot stand in such glory. This encourages my heart and I long for brokeness to bring the same result in my life and the lives of others.

I pray that a broken and remorseful heart is what you will receive from me Lord....