Skeptically Yours....

I often think I can be a skeptic about life. I would probably tell you that I'm a "realist" though. I often do not believe the change of something/someone until they have proven it to be true. I like facts, proof, evidence....whatever you want to call it. If a person has exhibited particular behavior patterns over a substancial amount of time, and then all of a sudden they veer down another road claiming change, I am often the skeptic...or again, realist as I like to call it. I found myself on the phone the other night sharing very skeptical opinions about a certain situation with a person involving the change of another. The next day though it seemed that maybe my skepticsm was not warranted. It seemed that maybe the person in that situation had experienced true change.
So then i ask myself the question.....why am I so skeptical? I often try to mentally skirt my way around that word, which is why I like the word realist. I think realist sounds more accurate...but maybe that's just what skeptics tell themselves to make them feel better. And then I find myself priding myself on being a realist because I like facts...I like proof...because they seem to offer security and stability as opposed to the impractical and visionary. In my mind I think that if I'm realistic about people and life then I won't be duped or made to look foolish by believing something only to be proven wrong later because I didn't have the facts and the evidence.
As I continue to ponder this I begin to wonder...maybe its not about having facts and proof...maybe it's about having more faith. I realized that my faith is weak in that area....I don't always have the faith to believe change....especially in people. Is my God not great enough to produce change in the blink of an eye? That's how I act at times. I want people to earn the right to be seen as changed....I want proof....before I will actually see them as something new.
So with the way my mind works....there is always another question that follows...if this is what I do...then why do I do it? Because it prevents me or someone else from getting hurt or disappointed. If a person continues on in their old ways at least I know what to expect, but if they claim change then I don't want to put hope in the fact that Jesus might have really changed them only to be disappointed or hurt again when they fall back to their old ways. It's like a defense mechanism....and I realized it's sad.
What I find funny is that I hated it when people did this to me during my own season of change. I had a rough year this last year...I will spare you th details for now....but the Lord definitely put me through the ringer this year...for my own good obviously, but it still wasn't one of the more enjoyable times in my life. It involved the pulling up of roots of sin and healing of the past and a lot of tears. There were times when I felt like my heart physically hurt because of the emotional and spiritual pain I was in. But then there was change....and I can't tell you the exact day or time, but it almost seemed like it was overnight. One day I just felt a little lighter...insecurities that once were didn't seem so present in my life...and I felt changed. Not that those things wouldn't creep back in from time to time, but I felt like I was actually able to walk in freedom from some things that had me entangled for so long. But the heartbreaking part of that is while I was rejoicing in what God had done and the freedom I felt, there were people that wanted me to prove myself. Some actually even said that to my face in so many words. Honestly that hurt. I felt like there were some that did not want to rejoice with me and be a part of what God had done in my life because they were skeptical of true change. They wanted the proof so they would not be hurt or disappointed again.
So I kind of laugh at myself as I sit here and realize that I do the same thing. Maybe the problem is me....and my lack of faith to believe the changing power of Christ sometimes. When it is happening before my eyes, I want to doubt, but maybe I should jump in and believe. And if that person hurts me or disappoints me again, am I going to believe God to protect me in that? Why am I so afraid to give chances....second, third, fourth...however many it takes for true change to occur...and if I get hurt over and over....what if I handed out another chance because I believe Jesus will change instead of retreating to safety. Am I going to continue to see someone as who they were until they prove otherwise? That's not how Jesus works with me...and I'm so thankful for that....so as I think about these things....I realize that's not how I want to be with others. I think it's our human nature to have this tendency with people...because truly we would all like to hope in others, but we've all been hurt and disappointd by doing that very thing at some point in our lives. My desire is not to put my confidence in the flesh though....my confidence is in Christ...who can change things instantly....just look at Paul. I want to be impractical, I want to dream, I want to believe in the foolish things, I want to be the visionary for what could be, I want to hope in the things that don't seem possible....I want to believe Him for change in the lives of others. I want more faith.
I pray that the Lord will do this...and I believe he will. I want to be a reformed realist...throwing off the hindrances of my skeptic self and be willing to look foolish in hopes that Jesus is creating change in myself and others. I want to enjoy the journey of change with others and not just the end result.... that makes looking back at where we were and rejoicing that much sweeter.
Anyways...that's where my mind is at tonight...so there's some random thoughts for ya!